Tilly
This story is illustrative, meaning that it uses a fictionalised example to demonstrate themes, patterns, or experiences commonly found in real-life situations.
Tilly, aged 12, has been a young carer for her mum, Annabel, for the past five years. Annabel was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting Multiple Sclerosis (MS) at the age of 28. While she has experienced long periods of stability since her diagnosis, her relapses can occur unexpectedly and often result in a rapid increase in her care needs. These flare-ups can also be triggered by periods of heightened stress.
Annabel’s husband, Kyle, is an Army Sergeant and was preparing for his longest deployment since Annabel’s diagnosis. The family had moved to Kent nine months earlier and were living in adapted military housing. Both Kyle’s and Annabel’s extended families lived in Hampshire, around two and a half hours away.
As part of the support available during deployment, it was suggested that the family could benefit from a Family Group Decision Making. The aim was to bring together their wider support network and develop a plan to support both Annabel and Tilly during Kyle’s time away.
The family already had a strong support plan in place, and Kyle’s workplace had been flexible and responsive whenever Annabel experienced a relapse. However, there were concerns about how Annabel and Tilly would cope during the deployment, particularly as the additional pressures and uncertainty could increase stress levels and potentially trigger a flare-up.
An independent Coordinator met with Kyle and Annabel and spoke separately with Tilly. It was important that Tilly’s views, feelings and experiences were fully understood. Young carers often show remarkable resilience and can prioritise the needs of the person they care for above their own.
The Coordinator helped bring together a range of people who were important to the family, including the local welfare team led by SSAFA, family members, friends from the military base, and Tilly’s school welfare team. Tilly also invited her friend, Amna, from her new school. In addition, the Coordinator suggested connecting the family with a local young carers charity, a service they had not previously accessed.
Following individual conversations to help everyone prepare, the group came together to discuss:
What support Annabel might need to manage stress and reduce the likelihood of a relapse
What additional help would be required if Annabel did experience a relapse
How Tilly would be supported in her role as a young carer throughout Kyle’s deployment
How Kyle could remain involved and informed while away, whilst also able to maintain his duties
Drawing on all the information shared, the family spent time together to develop a plan that reflected the needs and wishes of everyone involved, including Tilly. Their Coordinator supported the conversation, impartiality facilitating to ensure everyone’s voices were heard and the networks aims were answered.
A WhatsApp group was created to help everyone stay connected. Tilly was included so she could easily ask for support if needed. It was agreed that Annabel’s parents would stay with the family for the first two weeks of Kyle’s deployment to help Annabel and Tilly adjust to a new routine. Further visits from both sides of the family were arranged to ensure regular respite support at least twice a month.
The group also planned for the possibility of a relapse. Additional care and support arrangements were identified, and the family of one of Tilly’s friends offered for her to stay with them if Annabel needed to be admitted to hospital. This would allow Tilly to maintain her school attendance and routines, while ensuring Annabel received the care she needed. Because the school had been involved in the planning process, staff were already aware of the arrangements and could respond quickly if circumstances changed.
The plan also outlined how and when Kyle would be informed about any changes in Annabel’s health, including clear agreements about the circumstances that might require him to return home early from deployment.
By bringing everyone together, the Family Group Conference gave the family an opportunity to share their concerns, hopes and wishes about the upcoming deployment, and to agree practical support arrangements in advance. As an additional benefit, Tilly was referred to a local young carers charity, which offered regular youth clubs with transport provided, as well as wellbeing support and welfare check-ins through her school.
As a result, Kyle was able to begin his deployment knowing that his family had a strong support network around them and a clear plan in place should they need it.