The Power of Staying Connected

Our Training Manager, Michaela Stay, has worked supporting children, young people and families for her whole career. She has taken a moment to reflect upon one of those connections, and has shared it with us. Below, are her words.

The Power of Staying Connected: A care relationship that supported a young person's journey through life

This year after reflecting upon my role as developing and embedding the Lifelong Links service for Portsmouth, I decided to reach out to “L” who I have known for over 30 years and ask her a range of reflective questions in an interview. Our relationship started out as Residential Keyworker and young person in care. She left care as a teenager; today, she is a strong, successful woman with a family and career of her own.

Our interview explored one simple but powerful question: Why does staying in touch with care leavers matter? Her answers took me back to the heart of relationship-based practice and reminded me why the human connection between staff and young people in care can be life-changing.

Leaving care is often mistaken for independence. In reality, many young people step out into adulthood without the network of support others take for granted. She reflected:

“I really needed you after I left care. I still wasn’t ready for the big world on my own, even though I acted like I could take on the world. I didn’t know where I was going with my life — I was just existing.”

Like many care leavers, she was still carrying the same family struggles she entered care with. Her parents were unable to offer consistent parenting care. Life felt unstable and uncertain. The difference for her wasn’t a service, a form, or a pathway plan. It was people and relationships.

“Without you to call on in my time of need, I would’ve only had my aunty. When she passed away when I was 19, you and my other key worker were the only good and decent female role models in my life.”

We often underestimate the quiet power of simply staying in contact — checking in, sending a message, turning up. She remembered these moments the most:

“Checking in on me after I left the care home really meant a lot. Popping by to spend time with me, to chat about life and where it may take me next — those small moments I remember well.”

At a time when she was living in an environment surrounded by drugs and crime, she still had a thread that connected her to safety, guidance, and hope.

“Many of the people I surrounded myself with were into substance abuse and criminal activities. As exciting as I thought that was at the time, I knew it was wrong and not the right way to live.”

Sometimes safeguarding happens not in dramatic interventions — but in consistency, in being a presence that reminds a young person of who they are capable of becoming.

There was a moment, two or three years after leaving care, when she reached a crisis point. In an abusive relationship, isolated and afraid, she didn’t know how to get out. This was a point when I did intervene, and some could say overstepped a boundary – I contacted her bereaved Uncle, and he assured me that she was welcome back to Guernsey and he would provide a home for her. I paid for a one-way ticket back there and it was a turning point for her. Safety, stability and somewhere to call home. She still lives there some 28 years later, having made a fantastic life with her husband and children.

“Without your assistance and your care, I would’ve ended up a single parent, living in a council property. I would’ve been trapped to a guy I no longer liked, let alone loved. I may have spent my life on benefits, in the same poverty trap my mum was in.”

Leaving care doesn’t mean leaving behind vulnerability. She needed someone who saw her potential even when she didn’t see it in herself.

For care leavers, turning 18 shouldn’t mean falling off a cliff of support. Her words are a reminder that the greatest resource we can offer young people isn’t a service — it’s a relationship. A relationship that says:

“You are not disposable. You matter. I’m still here”

Michaela

(L has given permission for this story to be shared).