A referral was received for a 14-year-old old girl, Tammy, who lived with her mother and brother. Home life was very difficult and the mother felt that her own needs meant that she could only look after one child, the brother. Parenting of Tammy was often delegated to the mother’s friends, even though they themselves were struggling to raise their own children.
Tammy had been sexually assaulted many times between the ages of 5 and 6 years by a 60-year-old man. The mother had not recognised this, nor had help been offered to Tammy at the time as it was felt that she was too young. Her mother had referred to her daughter as ‘used goods’ and did not stop the brother talking about the assaults.
Tammy’s father, who had never lived in the family home, and the paternal family were very supportive. She often went to stay with him when things became too difficult, but he lived in a very rural location and she found it hard being so isolated. So, she soon returned home, wanting the company of her friends and the excitement of the town. Occasionally, she had slept rough.
A referral to Daybreak was made by Tammy’s social worker and a coordinator carried out all the preparatory work for an FGC. The coordinator believed it was very important for Tammy to take part in that meeting and have her views heard.
The questions for the family to address in the FGC were:
- Who could support the mother so she could parent both children safely?
- Could the family agree on regular set days for contact with the father?
- If in the event the relationship between Tammy and her mother broke down, who within the family would take care of Tammy?
The children’s services team manager agreed to fund a Daybreak voluntary advocate for Tammy and they arranged to meet at her father’s house. Unfortunately, on the agreed date Tammy suddenly decided to return home, so the advocate had to go through the mother to meet with the girl.
Being back with her mother appeared to change Tammy’s decision to work with the advocate. At their meeting, the advocate found it difficult to persuade Tammy to share any of her views, apart from her worry that the meeting would just promote arguments and not make any difference. Nevertheless, the coordinator asked the advocate to come to the FGC to support Tammy and again offer to help her express her views.
All the paternal family members attended the meeting, but the mother was only accompanied by a friend who had disciplined Tammy in the past. Feelings were running high and a row broke out. The coordinator managed to calm everyone down but the atmosphere remained very tense. Tammy, however, said nothing and sat quietly throughout. The coordinator suggested a break and at that point asked Tammy if she would like to sit with the advocate and think about what she would like to say. Tammy agreed.
The advocate went to a separate room with Tammy while the other family members took a break. When the meeting was ready to restart, the advocate and Tammy spoke to the coordinator. They agreed Tammy would stay in the separate room but the advocate would read out her views, which she now had the confidence to share. The following is from the coordinator:
“I do not have the words to describe the change in the room as the words were read out, falteringly, as the advocate had only had time to scribble them down, but which also helped to express the emotions in the words. Tears were shed and, although no emotion was shown by Tammy’s mother, the arms unfolded and I could see that the family were in unison.”
Tammy re-joined the meeting a few minutes after the family had begun the ‘private family time’ and they agreed everything that went into the plan. To show their commitment, they all signed the flip chart sheets to say that they owned the plan. The social worker and family focus worker were very pleased that the family had heard Tammy’s views as they had knowledge of how she felt, but did not have her permission to share them. The feedback from the family was also positive and reflected their confidence in the plan.
